May 8th

Grab a coffee or perhaps something much stronger, maybe bring some nibbles, this could take a while, I have seven weeks worth to get off my chest!  Stay with me if you please, I've missed you.  Right I've cracked open the wine,  cheers to us!

For as long as I can remember I have taken photographs.  I was fascinated by the cine camera pappa had when I was a child and as soon as I was able I looked from behind a lens.  Do you remember the days when we had to either use a dark room or send the film off in a canister to the Kodak factory and wait patiently for a week or so for the photographs to come back?  In my case so many, the majority I suspect were terrible; heads cut off and the perfect view that was sought was blurred on film.  We did not have the technology to see the result there and then nor in my case the finances to snap away happily photo after photo.  I dread to think how much it would cost today if I had to print every photo I took.

Why am I writing about this now?  And how does this relate to the title, Honesty?

It has been 7 weeks since I looked at this blog or the associated emails and it got me thinking, why do I blog?  I have asked this question to myself before and more to the point why do I occasionally step back, all be it unintentionally? Being grateful

So my train of thought went something like this...

I've been busy... I've been tired...I couldn't summon up the energy...I lost my making mojo...I did not know what to blog...I have too many WIPs and don't know which to pick up first...Maybe I'll just start something new... perhaps I should do something completely different... spent time looking at other's creations and sighing at how great they were and why was I bothering when there is so much talent out there...blogging is hard work...I couldn't fit it in with everything else...something had to give...

                   ...you get my drift...

I am not here asking for sympathy I just want to be honest.  When I look back at the month of April, my photograph folder for that month is totally empty.  This has NEVER happened to me before and to be honest (well, this is a post about honesty after all) I was quite shocked about it.  My husband would not believe it if I told him.  Years ago, we were lucky to take a sabbatical for a year where I documented everything by photographs, so much so that the family at first became annoyed and irritated by being followed by a camera to in the end not really noticing it.  On return home, my photographs (thousands! of them) proved useful in memory jogging and have been used for many presentations, John became reluctantly grateful for my photography and said as much.  Photos and images are important to me, perhaps that is why for a long time now Instagram is my favourite social media.

So back to being honest.  We live in a fast-paced 24-hour society which whether we like it or not is here to stay.  We share our lives online from what we eat for breakfast to our pets favourite sleeping positions, I mean who really wants to know?  Looking at my IG account in the last 3 years I have posted 1400 images of which 22% were of food that I was about to consume, I mean really?!?!?

This constant feed of images and people's opinions, and for me as I love crafting, the constant reminder of fabulous makes and inspiration have taken its toll and I am or should I say was, as I think I am coming out of it, totally bombarded and overwhelmed by information.  My brain was fogged up and I could not take any excess information in that if it did not feed into my immediate day to day life it had to go.

I looked at all these inspirational makers out on the www of whom I respect and wonder how do they fit it all in?  Photos are styled to perfection, people are trend setters or quick to be on trend that I couldn't keep up after all my short stumpy legs were never designed for running and yet that was what I seemed to be doing.  I do remember one comment on this blog, someone told me I lived the perfect life.  I replied that I only showed the good bits and why would I want to photograph the house when it looked like a hurricane had passed through or indeed about mundane things.  I continued that I only showed what I felt comfortable showing and that invariably it was the 'nice' aspects of life.  I am totally sure this is true for all the people I admire and respect but it is so easy to loose sight of it. It makes me realise how impressionable we all are even when we think we are strong.  So what chance do the younger generation have being born into this 24 hour instant 'selfie' society that we have become?

Not wanting to drop any important balls in my life of the constant juggling or make any disastrous mistakes I think blogging and making took an unconscious side step to enable me to breathe and continue life at a fast walk rather than a sprint.

Often people tell me I am busy, but I look around and think they are just as busy as I.  But then my sister said earlier this year when she feels stressed she just thinks about my life and realises she's not stressed.

Ouch, that hurt.

I don't/didn't feel stressed but perhaps life was all too consuming.  I'm a pleaser, can you tell, I don't want to let anyone down... and yet perhaps I was letting myself down.  As my husband reminded me this weekend, my strength lies in working and not necessarily in thinking, so this hiatus of not creating and blogging has invariably been immediately filled with other things (boat choring for the past 8 weekends springs to mind) so I still have not had the time to think and sort out where everything fits in  my life and how to better manage it all and achieve at the same time.  Maybe I shouldn't think and just plod along as fast as my stumpy legs will carry me.

I feel like I am coming out of the other end and so hopefully I will be blogging all the more frequently in the near future. I am no closer to knowing how best to continue but this 'rest' seems to have worked and my tired mind and body are slowly recovering and ready to crack on.   But here is a question for you... how do you fit everything in?

I seem to have finished my glass of red, you were great company and I thank you, hope you had an interesting time too. Until next time...

“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” – Maya Angelou